CONFESSIONS OF A MOM

Let me begin by admitting a fact. I am new to blogging. Not that I haven't tried this, but I lack the discipline to jot down my thoughts on the blog. I have tried writing diaries too, but then like most of us I tend to be lazy, but I do admire the dedication of people who have the patience and perseverance to jot down details of their lives.

Last night my elder daughter Khushei was apologetic to me for not doing well in Hindi. The girl is only nine years old and I think, most children of her age tend to be not that good in Hindi. But, she was apologetic. Whenever, she doesn't score well, she comes to me and apologises, but not her dad. And, this comes to my mind, as I write this that she never apologises to her dad. May be she feels that she has let me down, or just may be I have been too harsh on her.

Let me retrospect, when I was growing up, my dad had put a whole lot of expectations on us and we had to perform just to save our lives. No he wasn't a tyrant, he wouldn't utter a single harsh word, but he would hang his head as if something massive has gone wrong and we have failed him hugely. I think in some ways I am also doing the same. May be I am just behaving like my dad.

Khushei is a joy to be. In fact, all children are, but she is an old soul, who is very kind hearted and much mature for her age. I should let her be just as a child and see how she blossoms. Having Khushei was the best thing that could happen to our lives, this doesn't mean that she doesn't have a sibling. We have two girls andn they always ask me whom do I love more? The younger one has become diplomatic now, though she is only of six. Whenever, I ask her, whom do you love more, she tells me BOTH of you. And she screams this anwer at the top of her lungs. But, if I am asked I love Khushei just a wee bit more thant Kirty, may be moms have a special affection for their first borns.

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