I understand

Criticism--I feel that it's a quality that we all love to inculcate. Everywhere there is a mad rush to cut others short and there is no knife stronger than criticism to do this. Whenever we  are angry, upset or impatient we love to spill a few harsh words that are going to break hearts. Obviously, harsh words never killed anyone, but they do kill our spirit, our heart and our optimism. I can't say I don't criticise, certainly I do it too, at times out of the years of habit, but over all I have discovered that doing it is not the best way to get things changed. What criticism does? It traps you in a circumstance that you are trying to escape and don't want to happen. Accepting a situation is the best way to handle it because the energy that's spent in avoiding it can be very well used in accepting it. And when does acceptance begin? Just the point where resistance ends. Hence, when we say, "Why I get trash all the time? Why people are nasty to me? Why no one loves me? Why I have to put up with idiosyncratic bosses? Why I can't be organised even once?," we create patterns that's going to trap us and we will find those patterns continuously repeating in our lives.

And these patterns repeat because by our thoughts we invite them. I always believe in small miracles and they keep happening with me, because somewhere someone wants to reinstate my faith in my belief. I might hear you asking, how do I chuck criticism when people are so sloppy, ill-mannered around me. I have to tell them that they are not right and if I don't criticise, how am I going to do it.  

The answer is that we are so trapped in criticism that we believe this can help people improve. Had it been so there wouldn't have been any need to criticise, because if we look everyone is right in his/her circumstances. In fact, there are no wrong people there are just different circumstances. It's how you look at things, but we are so much in love with our own yardstick that we try to measure everyone against it. Can one size fit all? Can everyone wear your dress? Of course not, then how can your standards be right for everyone. The best instance of this is driving on highway--where anyone driving at a speed less than you is a moron and at a speed more than you is a maniac.

In order to leave criticism you got to be accepting of people and as they say charity begins at home. You have to learn to accept yourself and everything the way you do. Allow your inner heart to flower, which has diminished because of years of criticism that you've heard from your parents, teachers, family, spouse, friends or boss and each time when you heard it something died inside you because you felt that you were trying your level best and still you can't make others happy.

Stop judging yourself from others yardstick and stop judging others from your yardstick. Start from today with the words--I understand and see miracles happen around you and everywhere.

Finding confidence

It has taken a hell lot of courage for me to accept this. Yes, I always feel that I am inferior to others. How and when this concept took root in me, I just can't pin point that, but there is an inner voice in me, which loves to be harsh with me. Whenever, I err or do something wrong, that voice chastises me more than necessary. I keep brooding over it for days and keep reinforcing the fact that I am inept and do not deserve what I have.

Whenever I become an observer and try to assess myself, I feel that I am extremely talented, am pretty good at what I do and whenever I've interacted with people for professional or personal reasons, more than enough number of times, I have come across people who remember me and for right reasons. My children adore me, my husband loves me, I'm appreciated at work, I get timely increments, I do my job with utmost honesty, I am sincere in duties towards my elders, but still that inner voice in me keeps me comparing with others and tries to ridicule my abilities.

Enough is enough, of late I have learned a new way to subvert that inner voice. Whenever, it tries to be nasty with me and becomes a mean critic, I become an observer to the situation. The situation can be as simple as--forgetting to pay the bill on time, getting stuck in a traffic jam, denting the car while reversing, scampering to meet the deadline and in all these situations I say a magic mantra to myself. Had Khushei been stuck in a similar situation and had been upset what would I say to her? Khushei is my elder daughter who has just turned nine. I would have said her, " Don't be upset over it, you did your best and anyway it's too trivial to be upset with."

With this mantra I have discovered that my doubting self gives way to a loving self that's ready to accept flaws. I am still struggling with it, but at least I have the courage to accept it.