My experiences with prayer

Prayer is not an alien concept for me. I have been raised in a house, where God and daily prayers were a norm. In all difficult circumstances, we prayed hard and reiterated our wish to the God. To be honest, I was raised as a God-fearing person. However, as I grew, my notion of prayer altered. I could never figure out why blood was shed on the name of religion. How people communicate with God can come between people who are alive? Then, I never got used to the idea of an all-pervasive God who was nothing more than a Peeping Tom. Someone whom one should be afraid of.

I always prayed to my maker with the feelings of love. I loved him. Rather than praises, the God also wants affection and love. I stopped praying to the God to fulfil my wishes. What I will get in life is governed by destiny? God shouldn't be prayed for trivial details like a child's admission, a traffic light clearance. Still, we need His intervention in all things small or big.

How my thoughts and relationship will metamorphose in the coming years is unknown to me? Currently, I am in love with my maker and will have no hesitation in meeting him, even now. I see His expression in plants that bloom, in birds that chirp, in people around. He has created an awesome world. Thank you

Management Lessons from Ram Charit Manas

Recently, I decided to read Ram Charit Manas, the holy book of Hindus. It always adorned my house sitting pretty in the place earmarked for worship in a segment of guest bedroom. However, I had never read it. And then, like lightening, it struck me that I should not spend my life without reading it. Not, that I have renounced the world, but it was driven more from the urge to tick off an item in the to-do-list of a journey called life. Well, getting back to the title, below-mentioned are my takeaways. But, before I jot them I seek with folded hands forgiveness of Goswami Tulsidas for my interpretation.

1. Mutual Admiration Society: Strive to form a mutual admiration society. Well, co-operation is better than conflict between departments. And all good managers want to ignite conflict, because ruling becomes simple when seeds of division are sowed. However, the point to note is that normally, mutually admiration groups exist at the top, because it's easier at the top.

2. Good cop. Bad cop: A successful manager needs to perfect the art. In any situation, there should be two approaches. A stricter approach to deal with the scenario, the ideal case of a bad cop, and then a more kinder and easier approach, after the arm twisting has been done. The classic good cop. This enables an efficient manager to extract maximum outcome from the reportees.

3. Charan padukas are critical for power. It's hard to reach to the top in your place of work or at home, until you have support of someone at the top. Gaining support is critical for success and once you acquire that, your energy should be invested in furthering the cause of the benefactor.

4. When carrots fail, sticks prevail. Fear is more important in maintaining order and discipline. Positive reinforcements have limited role, but fear goes a long way.

5. Everything is fair in love and war. When it comes to conquering market shares or climbing high on the corporate ladder, it's more critical to know the weaknesses of the competitors. Once the weakness is discovered, spare no effort to destroy the person.
 

Most importantly, sharing war-spoils prior to war helps in long term allegiance of the members of the adversary team. 

Striking balance

I have a tendency to go overboard. For me striking balance is neither simple nor easy. Either I will renounce the task or I will become extremely passionate about it. The passion  also brings pain. When things don't go the way I have envisaged I become disappointed, extremely disappointed. Passion is a double edged sword. It can cause agony too. And if you strip passion, how do you remain dedicated to the task in  hand?

For me either I will do it well or I will not do it, I cannot do it half-heartedly.  I  have a tendency to become emotionally attached to actions and many times when I reflect on it later, I realise that it didn't require the fervour that I had invested in it.

Do I learn a lesson? No. I continue with the same passion unabated and give up with the detachment of a Buddhist. 

How do I get to the median path? Does it exist in the real world? I have doubts. This is the most difficult task for me. Now, for folks like me, the ancient scripture Bhagvad Gita recommends to surrender without any qualm, reservation to the divine will. Allow the divine to take charge of affairs. But, if I surrender, to your will, will I still invest my 100 percent. How about my karma? Will I continue with the same fervour that I want to do?

Where lies the solution? The solution is attachment with detachment. Here lies the answer to all my agonies. When I stop being attached to the results, I become an honest observer. I am no longer emotionally strung with the result. My efforts may be genuine, but devoid of passion they are no longer manipulative. I am willing to accept the outcome.

The western wisdom calls it allowing universe to take over. I am learning. However, currently, in my present state of mind I try to reaffirm the outcome. This again is not accepted. As enlightenment will begin to show it's tiniest rays on the darkness in which my soul is plunged since ages, I will begin to disassociate the result with the effort. As a mere mortal, my job is only to do the effort with honesty. Nothing more nothing less. I have no option but to accept the result with equanimity. 

To set the soul free, each and every act that we take in the course of life and everyday living should be dedicated to the Almighty.

How to Manage Anger

Well, this post is not for me entirely. My anger remains usually under control. The rule that I follow is that if I have a fight with someone, I will keep quiet. Two people shouting at the  same time is not a good idea. And later when things go quiet, I will speak my mind. I try to abide by the dictum, where I allow 24 hours to lapse before I give vent to my anger. We all have a different mechanism to manage our anger. The husband takes a smoke trip. The older daughter sulks and the younger daughter throws stuff. I also clear clutter when I am upset. Somehow the physical effort of cleaning distracts. 

My observation on anger and it's management is enlisted below:

1. Deep breathe. When we are angry, our breathing turns shallow. Before you speak, breathe.

2. Drink a glass of water. It works for me. Whenever, my moods turn sour, everyone in the house rushes to fetch me a glass of water.

3. Stay away. When you are angry, move out from the place that's making you upset. A fresh perspective will allow you to re-look at things.

4. Use anger constructively. Rather than getting back with petty tricks, channelise your anger in something constructive. And there can be no shortcut in this. To each his own.

5.  Learn to laugh amidst stress. It is not easy. But it requires practice. Just learn how to do it. A chuckle diffuses stress and anger too.

Like the wise, make your anger expensive and your happiness cheap. 

Receiving the Gift of Grace

The crux of living well is to remain in gratitude. It’s easy to acknowledge and thank God when things are falling in place, when events happen as designed, but to thank God amidst difficulties is not easy, and more so for situations in which He has put you in requires exemplary courage and conviction. It requires humility and faith in the Almighty. The essence of gratitude is to believe that however difficult may the scenarios sound or look, you will stay fine. There is someone who will take care of you. He has put you through a sticky situation in life with a reason and a purpose. 

The reason why difficult people or circumstances choose us is with a purpose.  The soul has a learning. For this to achieve, the soul decides the chart of life on which it will go and the people who will come in it to help it learn the lessons in the lifetime. The difficult people or circumstances who come in our life are pre-decided. They are teachers who have entered the life to enable us learn the lessons desired by our soul.

All good flow to people who are grateful. Grateful for things they have and even grateful for things they wish for even before they receive it. This concept has taken me long to understand. How can I say thank you for something that I have not received? 

Then, one day, things became clear to me. It's like having faith akin to a baby who each time when thrown up in the sky laughs aloud, because he believes that two strong arms are going to hold him. And those arms never fail.

Asking without being grateful for the gifts you have received so far is being brash. It's like the world owes you a living. Honestly, it doesn't. Grace is what keeps the heart humble and gives energy to the soul. Soul's desire is to merge with the light, the divinity. Each time it reincarnates, it aspires to be whole. Complete. What will help it in achieving it's objective? Being grateful. If the only prayer we can do in life is to remain grateful for everything we have, abundance will flow. All masters are eager to give more to a servant who is thankful for all what he has received. Not to those who keep asking. Similar to this scenario, being grateful opens up the doors of of abundance.

Take a moment and think of things you are grateful about. For me those things are:

A wonderful home, amazing kids, loving husband, affectionate parents, and relatives, a great job, good set of staff, cars, awesome friends, loyal dog, balcony full of plants. In nutshell a good and comfortable life. Thank you God. 

Confessions of a Technologically Challenged

Allow me to confess. I am technologically challenged. The feelings between me and technology are mutual. I have never been a big fan of it, though I know the basics to manage my life. Each time I learn new tricks, the technology takes a somersault. It upgrades. And my earlier skills become not-so-good, obsolete, to say the least. Somehow I feel that too err is human but for a catastrophe you need a computer. So, I rely a lot on the age old methods to organise and sort my life that have been thrown to the dustbin by the newer and the younger lot. Believe me, they help and they help a lot

 1. Keep a back up. And by back up I don’t mean, taking back up of your Black Berry. I have issues in doing it. The husband takes care of it for me, but by back up I mean keeping the visiting cards in the folders that were done once upon a time. After all, each time we meet someone for business, we exchange cards. I had once seen a secretary dutifully adding the details of the cards in the Outlook contacts of her boss. Well, I am okay with it, but I will keep those cards in my visiting card holder as well. It is a huge saviour. Ditto for all the important numbers I have. I enter them  in a diary.

 2. Taking prints of memories. In these days and times, very few people do it and I am one of those. I have seen many inconsolable couples who have lost their laptop and along with it went away priceless memories. Everything was in the soft copy. Somehow, the pleasure of watching an album is incomparable to the substitutes that the technology has begun to offer.

 3. Sending greeting cards. Yes, you guessed it right. I still do it. Somehow, the text messages and phone calls to convey New Year wishes don’t work for me. I find them not so apt. After all, how can you pull out a text message when you wish to re-read it. Greeting cards are just perfect for such occasions.

 4. Use Surahi. It is bio-degradable, encourages employment and gentle for your throat. Water from surahi to a parched throat is just like a nectar. The earthen smell envelops the water which is neither chilled nor warm, just the right amount of cold for your throat to bear and thirst to quench.

Go With The Flow

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” - Lao-Tzu 

 All my life I have worked on the dictum: Go with the flow. Drop resistance and begin to accept events as they are. The wise call it surrender. However, doing it is not as easy as it sounds. When events unfold the way you don't want them to, the first reaction is to resist. Though the mind knows the outcome, still it puts up struggle. How can it allow something to go by without putting up effort. After all, making sincere efforts is ingrained in us. Didn't Krishna also sermonize in Gita to focus on efforts and leave the results in his hands? 

The critical question that baffles me is when to give up and when to put in more efforts. There is something called tipping point too, when you put in an ounce of extra effort and voila results happen. 

Going back to go with the flow, in life, a lot is preordained. Destiny beckons and decides a lot many details for you. In fact, accepting it, is the best thing for such moments. In midst of turmoil, it is difficult to accept events without giving a good fight. And what is the outcome? 
When you resist the flow of life, your efforts are frustrated. The peace is missing and somewhere things don't fall in place.

How to transcend it? Accept. There will be days in life when things will not go as decided. What has to go wrong will go wrong. Does that mean, we stop making an effort to salvage things from not going wrong? No/Yes. 

We may try but the outcome is not going to satisfy us. Accepting it with grace will be the only feasible solution. 

Weight and Watch

Ask any woman if she is happy with her weight and nine out of ten would be not. Like those nine women, as I grew, had barely touched my teens, I became conscious of my weight. And I had been a painfully thin child, a malnourished child of parents who were not-so-thin. My mother had tried every trick in the book to enable me put on weight, but she didn't receive much success. However, as the teen years touched me, my health began to improve and so did my weight. Thanks to women magazines, where the world of women revolves around weight, I became conscious. I dutifully kept a tape and measured myself. My waist was an enviable 25 inches, and I think I was 14, but that was not good enough for me. How could I not have Scarlet-O-Hara's waist? The unachievable, unrealistic 18 inches. I would do aerobics, shun oil and potatoes and my favourite rice too to achieve that. Well, I had a bit of success, the waist shrank, it was 23 inches now. However, it wasn't good enough for me. Soon dieting had its impact. My beautiful tresses began to fall. And, along with multivits I was prescribed healthy diet. 

Weight watching was suspended, it wasn't forgotten though. School years kept  me busy, but college that was a different story altogether. There I was not the only one unhappy with weight. There were many like me, who were not the right weight and each had a weird diet plan. There were days I lived just on daal and veggies without roti or rice. How I managed is a surprise even today for me. I parted ways with rice, my comfort food and began to eat rajama, a good source of protein, but something that I had not eaten before, due to my Bihari upbringing. Naturally, my stomach revolted. Antacids helped but rice was forbidden. I would longingly inhale in the aroma or cooked rice wafting from the mess and struggle with lentils, because it was a source of protein. 

 Then, an innovative idea came. The brainwave occurred during discussion with one of the dieters. The solution was to puke after eating delicacies, particularly desserts. There was no need to watch what went in. Just two fingers on your tongue, with head bent and mouth open on the sink was enough to help you puke. The world is simple. You can have your cake and eat it too. My energy levels had depleted. The skin had lost its glow, still I would weigh my,self everyday before dinner.  Later after dinner too. Like a borderline anorexic, the mission in my life was to watch weight. Anything that went in was not a source of energy, nutrients to nourish me and the soul, rather calories, that would pile on me. Why was I so obsessed with my weight? 

As I write it today, I wonder about it, and the answer eludes me. May be just may be being in shape was the ticket to acceptance. Whether we agree or not, people who weigh on the higher side, have to hear observations, comments or suggestions on their weight. As an erstwhile obsessive weight watcher, I can say that this is what the person struggling with weight welcomes the least. However, coming back to my weight struggle, yoga bailed me out. While I was eating and throwing up and losing my sanity over each morsel, a yoga workshop happened for a month. The asanas learned brought back the lost sanity in me. Even today, whenever, I need to lose weight, strictly for health reason, I choose yoga and meditation. Like they say when your mind is in peace the rest follows.

50 Things That Bring Joy

While we all desire bigger joys of life, read a swanky Merc (my favourite),  mansion  like house/s complete with landscaped garden and fat bank balances, the fact is that joy lies in small things, simple pleasures that warm the heart and make us alive

1. Watching the rising sun. There is something magical about it. Watching the sun rise on the horizon is an affirmation of the hopes that every morning brings with it.

2.      Blossoming of the flowers. Seeing the flowers bloom touches the chord of the heart. It brings infinite joy, more so if you’ve planted the flower on your own.

1. 3.     Sumptuous meal after feeling hungry
   4.     Walking on the grass bare feet in the morning
   5.     The smell of the favourite perfume.
   6.     Laying hands on last  piece of the favourite designer shoes at 70 percent discount
   7.     Holding a newborn’s finger
   8.     Smell of freshly bathed baby smeared in powder
   9.     Excellent grades of your child
   10. The first kiss of your spouse
   11. Seeing off your child to playschool
   12.  Baking a perfect cake
   13. Receiving phone calls wishing happy birthday on your birthday
   14. Listening your favourite song on the radio
   15. Compliments like: You’ve lost weight; You look younger than your age
   16. Chilled lemonade on a sultry summer afternoon
   17. Reading the favourite novel chilling out
   18. Reaching home to a perfectly air conditioned environment
   19. Spending an afternoon with your children playing
   20. Swinging on the swing in the park
   21. Sliding down the slide
   22. Trekking in the forest
   23. Listening to chirping birds in the solitude
   24. A blissful session of meditation
   25. Leafing through the family album
   26. Putting the toddler to bed
   27.  Finding the perfect matching curtains for your home
   28. Seeing lilies blossom
   29.  Aroma of biryani wafting from the kitchen
   30.  Getting drenched in the monsoon shower
   31.  Eating pakodas in the monsoon
   32. Bursting the bubble wrap
   33. Watching the perfect round moon rise in the sky
   34.  Drinking the perfect cuppa with a long lost friend.
   35.  A good night sleep.
   36. Seeing your kids off to  school.
   37.  Shampooing your precious tresses
   38.  The minty taste of the toothpaste on your tongue
   39.  Winning a game
   40. Getting a warm oil champi
   41. Cuddling the baby and sleeping on a rainy afternoon
   42. Finding money at the unexpected locations at your home when you least expected it.
   43. Getting a deal you had been vying for when you least expected it
   44.  A belly laugh
   45.  The handmade cards made by your child
   46.  Talkathons with your closed one
   47.  A funny joke
   48. Getting the  parking spot right outside the mall
   49.  Unpeeling a new bar of soap and bathing with it
   50. Traffic on your side

करवाचौथ

कल व्रत रख रही मैं
कुछ गिफ्ट तो दिलायो
तुम्हारी लम्बी उम्र के लिए
मैं भूखी रहूँ
तुम भी कुछ फ़र्ज़ तो निभायो
कहो तो जावेरीदास पर मिलूं
पर गर बजट हो कम
तो नल्ली पर ही रुकूं
वैसे वो ठीक तो नहीं
पर क्या करूँ
कुछ उपाय भी तो नहीं
कुछ तो कहो,
राज़ दूर करो,
आखिर दोस्तों को बताना है
जिस सोसाइटी में रहते हैं
इज्जत भी तो बचाना है
पति बेचारा सोचा
सौ तक गिना
फिर नाप तोल कर बोला
इस बार करवा चौथ रहने दो
मैं कौन सा दूर हूँ
अगले साल रख लेना
थोडा हिसाब कर लेने दो
गिफ्ट का जुगाड़ कर लेने दो
तुम चाँद मांगती
लाना आसान था
सोना तो सातवें आसमान
पर कबसे है विराजमान
वैसे भी व्रत का कोई
प्रभाव नहीं होने वाला
महंगाई के अनल में
ऑफिस की राजनीती प्रबल में
शारीर रोज घिसता है
जो बचता है मधुमेह
और असंतुष्ट बॉस के भेंट चढ़ता है
अगले साल व्रत कर लेना
इस साल मिल कर जश्न मानते हैं
तुम मुझे खाना खिलाओ
हम तुम्हे खिलाते हैं

Dissolve Anger Now

Most of us are angry. And there are several reasons:

• The government that's just so corrupt
• A boss who is baklol, no moron doesn't qualify for him. Baklol is a Bihari word that expresses stupidity beyond match. 
• A spouse who refuses to empathise with your point of view and the relatives that belong the spouse's side are equally insensitive
• Children who are perennially glued to the TV
• Prices that are hitting the roof including the electricity bill
• Increments that are measly
• Promotions that are nowhere in horizon

All of these are valid reasons. You have a right to stew in anger. After all, life is not so easy. Let's be honest. It is difficult. You have to smart enough to survive in these difficult times, staying angry all the while.

Now, let's flip the coin for a while. Just look at the things through my lens. If you are not convinced, you can pick your perspective written above. I am not going to hold you. But, as you are reading, please play along. I am sure you are going to thrive.

Life was good when you were a child. Happiness was in abundance. Stress was less, just the way it should be. You smiled often for no reason, burst in giggles at any chance and the giggles grew in a belly laugh, where you laughed till it hurt.  You didn't even watch those sitcoms to extract a grimace.  

Now, think about a time, when you laughed last. How can you laugh in such difficult times? I can hear you almost ask. Yes, you are bang on. The world is not to be viewed with rose tinted lens!

But, may I ask you one thing, did your anger become better by not laughing? You are thinking...I know the answer: It is no.

Try my method. 

Tip no. 1: Laugh today. For no reason, just because you are alive. You are breathing. Dead don't laugh. Go to your spouse/ child, tickle her/him and feel the smile in the corner of your lips, allow it to spread to your lips, then see it blossom in a giggle and eventually in a full throated laugh. Laugh till it hurts.

Now revisit all your concerns. They wouldn't melt. They are as they were. But your perspective has changed. You are not going to care so much about them. 

Tip No. 2: Say Thank you. And when you say it, mean it. Say thank you to the office boy who serves you steaming tea. Say thanks to the universe when your favourite song plays on the radio. Say it when you get a clean parking spot, say it when the traffic is a breeze, say it when your wife cooks sumptuous dinner, say it when your husband gets the mogra gajra for it. Say it.

Tip No 3: Bless everyone. You don't need to be a spiritual pandit to bless. You are as divine as them. Bless people. Do it generously. Bless them happiness, love, money, sleep. Play a game. Bless all drivers on the road who are driving with you. Trust me, your travel will be a breeze. 

Tip No. 4: Stay silent for a while everyday. Shut your eyes. Go within. All solutions lie there.

Tip No. 5: Feel blessed. You are the chosen one. He is with you. Trust Him. :)

Dare to Dream

Do you still dream? I do. I dream a lot, usually in vivid  technicolour. Then I also jot my dreams, put them in a magic box. Yes, I even have that home. A chest of decorativte drawers, I bought once from a kabadiwala. My younger one believes that it has magic and she writes all her wishes in it. They do come true. So do mine. The success ratio is usually 90 percent. Quite good. I must say.

Getting back to the subject, do you dream? Or you believe that they belong to the world of children? Begin dreaming. Growing up is not a nice thing after all. Many things we learn during growing up are actually objects of which cynicism are made. 

Begin to dream. Maintain a journal. Cynics are mostly right. But when they are wrong, dreamers are right. For some strange reason, I am still not a pragmatic adult. I do a lot many things that grown ups don't do. One of them is dreaming. And I want my children to inculcate the art to dream. 

In fact, what is dream? A positive intention. A powerful desire. A trait to look beyond the ordinary. A need to transcend the mundane. And they have an extraordinary knack of becoming true.

At times, negativity engulfs me. Sadness envelops me bit by bit. During such moments dreams jolt me out. The belief that they have turned true earlier and will do again.

So folks dream and allow children to dream. 

Happiness Beckons

God made human beings happy, but as we grew happiness diminished. Somewhere, something went wrong and we became frugal with our smiles and generous with our anger. The whole human race is facing stress epidemic, mostly all lifestyle diseases emanate from stress. Despite, all our efforts stress is not getting reined in. After all, how do you segregate work from office and office from work. How can't you think about the future, in such uncertain times? What if your children are not safe at school/ bus/ home? What do you do of the offending boss who just doesn't agree to what you say?

Should this not stress you? What is the solution? Where lies the answer? Right here and right now. Open your mind and be ready to read below:

1. Think about everything that has caused you quality stress so far. Ponder. What is the status of those factors that were once giving you heart attack?

The chances are most of those factors would not exist today or be under control. So, was that enormous stress that you took at that point of time worth it. No.

2. Begin to laugh at yourself as well as at the tricky situations that life throws at you. When you have to face it, drop the glum face and bear it with a grin on your chin. It will hurt less. How to do it? Just begin to laugh and the world will laugh with you. 

3. Do not dwell in the past or the future. The past didn't last. Neither will the present. The future will always remain in future. Today is the future for which you were worried at one point of time. It's not that bad. Bravo. You did good. Pat your back as you read it. You deserve it.

4. Don't read newspapers watch news channels. For an immediate pick me up, stop watching news the last thing in the night and the first thing in the morning. News thrives on unpleasant things happening around the world. Many good things happen too, but they don't make news.

5. Count your blessings. Everyday. This is the shortcut to happiness. 

6. Drop expectations. No one owes you anything. What you did was your karma and what others do is their. Let the universe calculate and you stop it. Life will be simpler.

7. Forget. Forgive and forget is the golden rule. But if it seems difficult, just forget. Forgiveness may or may not accompany it.

8. Accept. Accept rudeness and kindness. Rude people are victims of stress. 

9. Feed your soul. Go quiet once in a while.

10 Feel blessed. You are the chosen one. Trust it. 

When Things Don't Happen As Planned

How do you feel when events go out of control? When things are not happening as desired? Feel at loss, frustrated, angry, upset, go through self analysis, ponder.....Well...I am experiencing all. 

So how do you get out of it? Meditate, think through or just get up and shake it off...

I have tried all. They work. Partially. But, the mind replays the scenario again and again, until it has memorised each detail. You live in the past, and keep rocking in it.

I am doing it.

So how to get out of a sticky situation? The question remains.

The answer is: 

1. Just step out. Do not try to look at the silver lining. Because in the disturbed state of mind you can't see any, you will only see the grey clouds. Like me.
2. Accept the present moment. How? By imagining what could be worse? This will allow you to see the blessings that are close to you.
3. Go with the flow. That's the best thing to. At least you will get a direction.
4. Don't regret your mistakes. Accept. A learning must be hidden in it. Imbibe and move.
5. Shun negativity. It only harms you. 

Is it love?

Often I and my married colleagues at work, share and dissect different moments of marriage. There are happy moments, sad moments, and upset ones too. Husbands can be difficult, demanding and overbearing too. Wives can be sarcastic, cold and conniving too. Often, the married couple wonders, particularly, if they have spent as long as 15 years with each other, if they are still in love. Is it love that's making them stick around or is marriage just a convenient relationship that benefits everybody around it.  The question was posed by a colleague, and it set me thinking.

I had to be honest with myself. In the last 16 years that I have known my husband of which 15 have been spent in matrimonial alliance, love certainly has mellowed. Still, every evening, I will ring to find where he is and what time is he reaching home? Ditto with him.  Is it love?

 In the last 15 years, I have started eating vegetables he likes, and he watches the kind of movies I watch (the slow types, arty ones). Is it love? This doesn't mean that its all very mushy! We have had several highs and lows. We taunt, comment, squabble and even fight like cats and dogs. Most of the times, when we do this, we are defending our blood relatives, whom we think the spouse is going to hurt, though the person may not be present at all. We have gone in silent zones after fighting with each other, but not more than a day. Somehow, the day we didn't talk didn't seem like a day well spent. Is it love?

Nishkam Karma

For months together I have been pondering on the concept of 'nishkam karma', which loosely translated in English means, " Do your work but don't crave for the results" and been wondering how is this possible? When you do something, you naturally get attached to it and how can you do effort if you are not sure about the result. Won't it be similar to creating sand house on the sea shore which could be swept away by the wave of sea anytime. How can you not be attached to your effort? What does attachment with detachment want to speak? All those self help books and Gita that I have read speaks that it frees you from the bondage to the effort which your longing to result ties you to. What does this mean? I do something, as if I am supposed to do it and do not desire results. Many months I tried to get the hang of this concept and read some more in the process. However, the meaning of this concept dawned on me lately.




When you put an effort in anything, your mind goes in the future tense and anticipates results which will come out of it. Then you are no longer in the moment but planning and thinking that if this effort goes right, I can do this. You may think, what's wrong in doing it? There is nothing wrong except the fact, that you are no longer in the moment enjoying and savouring it rather you are anticipating the result that will come out of it which is building more pressure on you in the present tense. As a result you're working harder. Sounds complicated, let me explain--



You went to the doctor who said that you have gained weight by 5 kilos and it's desirable that you lose it to keep your health in good shape. You and the doctor design a program of morning walks to lose weight and at the end of three months it would help you lose those extra kilos.



On the first day of the morning walk you are very happy with the fact that you've got up early and are going for it, and while you're at it you think that three months down the line, if you keep doing it morning, you'll lose five kilos and five years that have seemed to creep on your face. You will get in all the clothes that seemed to have become snug and your health will become better. You will get compliments from everyone that you want to hear.



What happens that there is nothing wrong with these thoughts, except that all of them are in the future and you are no longer in the place where you ought to be that is in the 'present'.



You are no longer enjoying your walk, watching the beautiful sun rise, feeling the gentle sway of the breeze and gazing at flowers that are blooming in the first wind of the morning, rather you are at a place where the results of your morning walk will show.This puts pressure on you and you decide to walk briskly to gain what you have just now chalked in your mind and you make a resolve that you'll walk in the evening too. So the walk that should have been an activity to connect yourself and defalte stress becomes a target-oriented activity.



Obviously, when you attach a target to something, you no longer enjoy doing it and then you will begin to come up with hundred excuses to bunk your evening walk. If only you had been in the moment and enjoyed it while doing it without attaching any result to the walking routine, your chances of adhering the programme would have been much higher. It's like kids never get tired of playing because there are no targets attached to it, but the same child will not resemble his energetic best while studying because he is studying to achieve something.



In fact, the mantra of life should be Do What You Enjoy The Most.

New Year Resolutions

For years together, I have dutifully made resolutions every year which couldn't see the morning of February 1. Most of them were made in haste and forgotten with more haste. But, this year I decided that I will dispense with the ritual of resolution, because usually they don't serve the purpose. And this has freed me. I am able to do what I wish, rather trying to do something which would reform me, because for many years, I have tried to reform myself so that I can become a better human being. The resolutions I had made could sound like--getting up early every day, sleeping on time every day, reading the newspaper daily, or just jotting down my expenses everyday and it could be as simple as speaking truth under all circumstances.




What does a resolution mean?



It means that there is something lacking in your life which you are not ready to work at willingly, hence you need to give your self timeline to coax and coerce your self in doing it. Just think, if you are not motivated enough to do something, can a resolution motivate you to do it. And, that's the reason most resolutions do not have a long life.

If you ask me I am against this whole concept of reforming and improving one-self. What does this mean, that I am not good enough, and I got to do something, so that I become better. This eventually implies that you are not supporting your acts and are there is a discord between what you do and what your mind perceives, you should be doing. Ultimately, this is going to create confusion in your mind. From our childhood we have heard of stereotypes and we keep proliferating those. Who hasn't heard, " Be a good girl/boy and Santa/ Mom/ Dad/Grand parents will love you more/ get you more gifts." What does this imply? Life is a bargain where you do certain acts to gain approval, which means that you are coaxed into being good. And resolutions spell the same sentiment.



Rather, than making a resolution that you know you won't stick more than a month, it's important to say that I accept myself just the way I am. Say it many times and it's proven that you will choose the path that you have charted for yourself through resolutions. It's impossible to fail yourself, more so when you have reposed trust in yourself just the way you are. Try it, it always works.

What's a prayer

For years I had been trained that when you want something and you badly want it, go to the God and pray him to grant your wish. And for years together my prayers have echoed the sentiment of deficit in my life. As if there was never enough and as if there will be never enough. I have prayed hard, I have fasted long and with one motive that my wish be granted. This wish could be for a family member or for myself and the wish had been granted more often than not and when that happened, I would have believed more in the power of prayers. I had not believed in the joy of praying to God for expressing my gratitude. For me prayers were like a spare tyre that I would pull out whenever an emergency came in my life. When everything went right, I wouldn’t pray that much, I would think that if I am doing my duty well and trying to be compassionate and kind to fellow beings, I am praying to God in my way. If this be the case then why did I need to deviate from that in situations of crisis? May be extreme situations demanded extreme answers.






While talking of prayers, now I am realising that prayers are a way to say 'thank you' to God for the small or big blessings that He has endowed us with. Life is all about miracles and they happen only to a believer. You think of someone and he calls, what is that? If you wish, you can term it as small ‘miracle’ of the life. I am beginning to believe in gratitude, which is being thankful to something when you get it. For many years, when I got a present, my first feeling would be how could I repay it back. Now I am learning to quit that attitude and say a simple ‘thank you’ when I get gifts and actually mean that too.



Now, that I no longer believe in prayers as a way to ask God for something, rather thank Him for what He has given me, my prayers no longer fall in the ritualistic pattern. I can sit still and smile for a while thanking God for everything that I have. I can listen to bhajans while I drive and thank God for a bright new and wonderful day that He has given me. It took me a while, but when I realised that as children, we need to thank creator for what He has given us. If we constantly crib about what we don’t have, we are creating feelings of negativity around us and negativity creates negativity. In fact, thoughts reflect in our mental status and body’s health and prayer is a wonderful way to cleanse your thoughts and calm your soul. It allows you to connect to your creator. Go ahead, choose whatever way suits you and express your gratitude to GOD.

I understand

Criticism--I feel that it's a quality that we all love to inculcate. Everywhere there is a mad rush to cut others short and there is no knife stronger than criticism to do this. Whenever we  are angry, upset or impatient we love to spill a few harsh words that are going to break hearts. Obviously, harsh words never killed anyone, but they do kill our spirit, our heart and our optimism. I can't say I don't criticise, certainly I do it too, at times out of the years of habit, but over all I have discovered that doing it is not the best way to get things changed. What criticism does? It traps you in a circumstance that you are trying to escape and don't want to happen. Accepting a situation is the best way to handle it because the energy that's spent in avoiding it can be very well used in accepting it. And when does acceptance begin? Just the point where resistance ends. Hence, when we say, "Why I get trash all the time? Why people are nasty to me? Why no one loves me? Why I have to put up with idiosyncratic bosses? Why I can't be organised even once?," we create patterns that's going to trap us and we will find those patterns continuously repeating in our lives.

And these patterns repeat because by our thoughts we invite them. I always believe in small miracles and they keep happening with me, because somewhere someone wants to reinstate my faith in my belief. I might hear you asking, how do I chuck criticism when people are so sloppy, ill-mannered around me. I have to tell them that they are not right and if I don't criticise, how am I going to do it.  

The answer is that we are so trapped in criticism that we believe this can help people improve. Had it been so there wouldn't have been any need to criticise, because if we look everyone is right in his/her circumstances. In fact, there are no wrong people there are just different circumstances. It's how you look at things, but we are so much in love with our own yardstick that we try to measure everyone against it. Can one size fit all? Can everyone wear your dress? Of course not, then how can your standards be right for everyone. The best instance of this is driving on highway--where anyone driving at a speed less than you is a moron and at a speed more than you is a maniac.

In order to leave criticism you got to be accepting of people and as they say charity begins at home. You have to learn to accept yourself and everything the way you do. Allow your inner heart to flower, which has diminished because of years of criticism that you've heard from your parents, teachers, family, spouse, friends or boss and each time when you heard it something died inside you because you felt that you were trying your level best and still you can't make others happy.

Stop judging yourself from others yardstick and stop judging others from your yardstick. Start from today with the words--I understand and see miracles happen around you and everywhere.

Five rules which should be thrown to the dustbin

Since I’ve started writing blogs the basic problem I confront is what to write when I open the page. So many thoughts keep jostling the whole day in my mind to find space on the blog, but the mind goes blank the moment I am striking keys of my computer. This time I though I will write a blog on Five overrated qualities that should be discarded immediately. Here I go (these don’t gel well with me but you are free to form your own opinion)




MULTITASKING



Since I am a learning to quieten my hyperactive mind, I often withness the way it goes about. The moment I am at a task, my mind will immediately inform me of a pending job and I would leave the task at hand to do the pending job. While I am at it there would be another job that would flash in my mind and immediately I will drop the task at hand to do something else. This process goes on for an hour and at the end of it I am having five unfinished tasks at hand wondering why I am not good at doing things, and where did the time fly?Actually, there are researches to prove that when you multitask your efficiency goes down and most of the times you end up with a job that’s not up to the mark. Still, multitasking is regarded as a coveted virtue.



SLEEP LESS



Same is the case with sleeping less. In fact, it’s often worn as badge of honour as the person sleeping less is supposed to be accomplishing more in his every day life. I clock in my seven to eight hours of sleep everyday but I never disclose this to my friends because most of them are sleep deprived and I could smell jealousy when I speak that I am sleep satisfied.



WORK HARD



When I was a kid I would often hear my dad say that he earned money by the sweat of his brow. My dad was a banker and I would wonder why couldn’t he get the fan fixed so he doesn’t have to sweat so much. We are taught that we should work hard. But somehow with the adjective hard I can sense an element of pain like you’re doing something that you are not relishing. We should insist on working smart not working hard. Moreover, enjoying what you do is more important because then it's no longer work. When I introspect I feel that if I’m able to drive I’ll go to work because I enjoy what I’m doing.



LOYALTY



I just hate this word. Loyalty belongs to the British era because this word subjugates your mind and you are made to do something that you don’t like. Any relationship should thrive on love and affection. There is no greater force than love but loyalty is like chaining you to something that stinks. I would like to have an attitude of gratitude but not loyalty.



YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO



I always feel like asking why can’t I? Since ages we have been tutored into believing that life is all about compromise, to get some you lose some, but life is generous, giving and nourishing. Find hard to believe! At first even I did thinking that I am underpaid and overworked that how can life be generous? Life works on a separate philosophy which is it gives you more if you trust it and to do that you’ve to thank it for what it has given you. But when you say I don’t, it mirrors your belief in life and you actually don’t get. Getting slightly complicated… Actually, even I am in the process of deciphering it.